a shadow of a man and a woman

From Conflict to Connection: The Disruption Tools You Need Now

Conflict. Just the word itself can send a shiver down our spines. For years, we've been conditioned to see conflict as the boogeyman of relationships—an omen signaling the beginning of the end. But what if that’s all wrong? What if there’s a deeper narrative, one that paints conflict not as the end, but as a vivid starting point for transformation.

For years I prided myself on the fact that my partner and I “never argued”, but the truth of that statement is that we both did an excellent job of avoiding difficult topics, only for us to become bitter and full of resentment later. Sure, we never argued, but we also didn’t have a deep and authentic connection that I craved.

In contrast, my current relationship thrives on authentic interaction. Yes, we argue, and sometimes full out scream at one another, but we discovered the beauty in conscious repair that not only creates greater understanding, but draws us closer together. And these tools are what we want to share with you.

So, do you find yourself wondering why the universe magnetically drew you toward someone who not only triggers but downright challenges you? Let's disrupt the idea that this happens because you're a glutton for punishment. In fact, let's turn it on its head. What if, beneath the veil of conflict, what you're actually seeking is a pathway to deep healing and transformation?

Instead of attributing all the chaos to our partners, what if we viewed conflict as a mirror, daring us to look at our own reflections? What if it reveals to us the unhealed wounds, the bottled-up fears, the hidden scars we thought were long forgotten? What happens when we dare to ask that mirror, "What life-altering lessons are you reflecting back at me?"

Human beings are hardwired to survive. Our nervous systems are finely tuned instruments that alert us to danger, preparing our bodies to either flee or fight. But what if we've miscategorized conflict as a threat? What if our nervous systems are just playing out an outdated script? What if, instead of letting our bodies bolt or battle, we chose to stay, breathe, and dissect what's really going on? 

The Choice to Stay: The Uncharted Territory of Growth

Easier said than done, right? Staying when every fiber of your being screams to run is a Herculean task. But here's where the magic happens. When we mute those primal screams and tune into our deeper needs, we create a space that transforms. We enter a realm where the conflict that once promised to break us now becomes the soil from which a more profound intimacy and connection can grow.
And let me be very clear here, I am not talking about relationships in which there is physical or emotional abuse. I am speaking to relationships where there is a lot of love but also a lot of difference of opinion.
Think of your reactions as well-trodden neural pathways, like paths in a forest that have been walked so many times they've become etched into the earth. Each time you choose to stay and face conflict, you're carving out a new path, a path that leads to healing, understanding, and a deeper form of love than you’ve ever known. Even if it feels a bit like you’re getting a few too many thorns and ankle biting-ants as you forge that new path. ;)

Disrupting the Pattern

Here are some options to disrupt the pattern of conflict. Remember, the hardest part will be remembering to even stop and use a tool, so we made you something simple to print out and reference in heated moments.
Conflict Disruption Tools list for couples

“Where Do You Feel This In Your body?”

Tuning into our bodily sensations provides a space for self-awareness. Whether it's a subtle tingling or a roaring fire within your chest, sharing this with your partner diverts focus from the argument, instead channeling it into mutual understanding of each other's emotional states.


“Can We Place Our Hands on Each Other's Hearts?”

This simple yet profound gesture serves as a reminder. It reminds us that beneath the frustration is a person we love, a human being with feelings, needs, and perspectives deserving of respect.

Upside-Down It:

Going upside down literally shifts our perspective, giving our brain a different viewpoint and interrupting our usual patterns. It’s a physical signal to both your body and mind that encourages reconsideration and offers a fresh perspective. The unexpected nature of it can be a very big pattern interrupter!

Reach Across the Aisle:

Take a moment to write down each of your experiences, speaking from the "I" perspective. Focusing on your own feelings rather than laying blame allows you both to be more compassionate and understanding. The act of writing and revising provides space for your nervous system to reset.

Sensory Engagement:

Gentle touches on each other's arms and faces can bring both of you back to the present moment, helping to diffuse tension.

Igniting a New Narrative

At LIT, we're all about crafting tools that serve you—whether those tools make you moan in pleasure, or help you dismantle conflict, we want to launch you from mere existence into ecstatic living. We invite you to consistently recommit to finding your “Yes!” Yes to growth, Yes to your partner and Yes to discovering what truly works for both of you.
What we’re proposing is a complete overhaul of how we perceive conflict. Imagine a relationship where you feel not just safe but sacred; where you are not just a partner but a co-creator of a magnificent love story. We see conflict not as an end, but as a catalyst for alchemy, transforming not just your relationship but your entire life experience.
So, the next time you feel the familiar pull of your reactions hijacking your brain and body, see if you can at least remember to stop and use a disruption tool. We believe that conflict isn't the end; it’s a chance to spark something utterly transformative.
It's time to disrupt the old story of conflict and write a new chapter—one where conflict is not the villain but the unsung hero that leads us to deeper intimacy, greater growth, and a life that’s not just lit, but truly ablaze with passion and fulfillment.
Let's get LIT. 🌱✨
Ready for more? Download our FREE 30-page SPARK Playbook and take your relationship to deeper levels!
Back to blog

Leave a comment

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.