a man getting a massage

Men and Intimacy: Debunking the Myths

Most men and women think they know exactly what men need and how they’ll behave when it comes to intimacy and sex. For example, many women believe if you hug a man for longer than 10 seconds, that will be seen as an invitation for sex. Or the old “I can’t ask my partner for a massage because he’ll immediately want to jump my bones” trope. But when it comes to men and intimacy, assumptions can be far from the truth.

While it’s true that some men view penetrative sex as the end-all, be-all to intimacy, it might also just be that they’ve never been encouraged by society or their partners to explore the wider spectrum of intimacy available! Let's dive into some common misconceptions and reveal the hidden truths about what men really need to achieve a deeper, more satisfying connection, and how, as a partner, you can help them out.

The Penetration Fixation

Myth: Men often believe that penetration is the ultimate goal and the most essential element of a satisfying sexual experience.

Reality: While penetration can be pleasurable, given the chance, most men also find they enjoy diverse forms of touch and stimulation throughout their entire bodies, from head to toe. From gentle caresses to more intense sensations, men can benefit from exploring a variety of tactile experiences to enhance their bodily awareness and pleasure.

Tip for men and their partner’s: Try experimenting with different types of touch, like massage, light scratching, or using feathers or silky fabrics to explore new sensations. This can lead to a more fulfilling and well-rounded intimate experience. Since this is not a typical form of intimacy practiced on men, try setting up a comfortable, inviting space and allow 30 minutes or more of uninterrupted time where you try this type of encounter with an agreement that the goal is for him to simply relax, enjoy and feel more deeply into his body, without it leading to penetration.

The Silent Treatment

Myth: Men assume they need to maintain a stoic, performative demeanor during sex, without expressing their emotions or desires.
Reality: Men, like anyone else, feel more connected and understood by their partners by expressing their feelings and desires during intimate moments. Giving and receiving verbal affection and affirmation can create deeper, more powerful intimacy for men.
Tip: Invite your partner to share their feelings and desires during intimate moments. Offer words of encouragement and support, and reassure them that their emotions are valid and welcomed. Experiment by playing a game where you get to explore their body with your hands, mouth, or other tool and they have to be completely passive and only respond with moans or requests. You may have to ask for what they like more than once! So many of us, both men and women, are uncomfortable with asking for what we want and need! The key is practice.

The One-Track Mind

Myth: Men are often accused of thinking only about sex and physical pleasure, with little regard for emotional, intellectual, or spiritual connections.
Reality: While physical pleasure is important, intellectual and spiritual stimulation can help men achieve a deeper connection with their partners.
Tip: Engage in meaningful conversations about shared interests, dreams, and aspirations. Ask questions and be genuinely curious about your partner’s answers. Be open to exploring your partner’s hobbies and interests, even if they aren’t really your “thing”. The genuine attempt to try something your partner loves will show your willingness to “get their world”and lead to deeper connection and intimacy.

The Macho Myth

Myth: Men believe they must always be strong, dominant, and in control during intimate encounters.
Reality: Men, like anyone else, may crave moments of vulnerability, submission, or shared control in their intimate lives.
Tip: Encourage open discussions about power dynamics and role-playing preferences in your relationship. Experiment with different levels of control and vulnerability to discover what feels most fulfilling and exciting for both partners.

The Orgasm Obsession

Myth: Men often think that the quality of their sexual experiences is solely defined by achieving an orgasm.
Reality: While orgasms can be an enjoyable part of intimacy, there's much more to a fulfilling sexual encounter than simply reaching climax for both men and women
Tip: Focus on the journey rather than the destination. Explore each other's bodies, desires, and emotions, and enjoy the pleasure that comes from simply being present and connected during intimate moments.
Men, like anyone else, have complex and diverse needs when it comes to intimacy. By debunking these common myths and misconceptions, we can create a more open, honest, and satisfying dialogue around male sexuality. Encourage your partner to explore their desires, communicate openly, and embrace the full spectrum of their intimate needs for a deeper, more fulfilling connection.
What myth did we miss? Drop us a comment and we’ll be sure to address it!


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