We all deal with a myriad of different stressors in our everyday lives: traffic, work pressure, endlessly staring at computer screens, demanding and whiny children, and trying to juggle all the different things in a day: school pick ups, 3 meals a day, do we still have toilet paper?!?
At the end of the day, it’s no surprise that you might feel like the only thing you could possibly have energy for is plopping on the couch, scrolling your phone, watching TV, or having a drink…the thought of being “intimate” might be way down on your list. It might simply seem like too much work, uninteresting, or not worth the effort.
Despite this, deep down we all long for more authentic connection with those we love the most; this is what feeds our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls and yet it often feels too complicated, wrong, disconnected, or just not enough. However, if we DO get it right, the connection GIVES us energy, rather than draining us. It brings us back into our body and relaxes our strained nervous system from the day's challenges. If you can get this kind of connection fired up, I guarantee you the TV will be the last thing on your mind.
What we’re talking about is intimacy. In our modern mainstream world of fast days and short attention spans, "intimacy" generally means sex, and yet that is not the true definition of the world. It's actually about closeness, trust, and authentic connection.
There are many different ways to explore authentic intimacy with your partner. In our free SPARK Playbook, there are practices for deepening emotional and physical intimacy. However, one of our favorite ways to carve out this time for each other is with sensation play.
We didn’t invent sensation play of course, but we do think we have a novel approach to it. Sensation play is the use of different types of toys and tools to illicit new feelings of sensation on the skin. Typically, this realm is dominated by whips, crops, and blindfolds, leading to harder impact BDSM play or penetrative sex.
Where our philosophy differs is that we believe softness, slowness, presence, and non-sexual but highly sensual and erotic physical touch is of paramount importance to the nervous system, feeling safe in your body, and ultimately, to deeper connection. Granted, this type of work with the body can ultimately lead to a much more passionate and fulfilling sex life, but that’s just one of the many benefits of sensation play.
Other benefits include:
- Nervous System Regulation - the kind of deep relaxation that helps your body let go of tension.
- Stress Pattern Disruption - it’s common for us to get stuck in stress patterns in our bodies, minds, hearts, and relationships. Deeply relaxing and nurturing together with sensual pleasure helps us shift from a stress pattern to a pleasure state.
- Comfort and Safety - Deep, pleasurable relaxation, pleasure, and connection helps us feel more comfortable in our bodies, and with each other. This creates a feeling of safety and comfort, which is a key to deeper, more authentic connection - including emotional connection.
- More Embodiment - It’s easy in our fast- paced, hectic, repetitive lives to lose the sense of actually feeling alive in our body. In the safety, comfort, and pleasure of soft sensation play, we feel a natural deepening of our sense of being alive and joyous in our bodies.
- Better Communication - Our practices all involve playing with intimate communication - talking about what we like, need, and desire. This creates a mental connection and dialogue around shared pleasure, and the nourishing feeling of being able to ask for what we want, knowing that we will receive it.
- Deeper Pleasure - Taking time to play with sensual sensations tunes us into our pleasure. Our line of Lit Sensation tools are designed to create sensations that are so unique and immersive that they actually expand our capacity for pleasure into bliss and beyond.
- Pleasure Highs - Our research shows that mindful sensual play releases oxytocin, the love bonding neurotransmitter which makes us feel more connected and in love. Combined with soft sensations and pleasure, our brains then release serotonin and dopamine - getting us high on our own pleasure and connection!
- Mind, Body, Feeling, and Spirit Connection - We find that if you find your ‘Yes’ to exploring the sensual exercises in our SPARK Playbook, you’ll be successful in creating deeper, more authentic connection across the entire spectrum of intimacy - in your minds, bodies, hearts, and souls!
We want to hear from you! What questions do you have that we can answer in our next post? Leave us a comment below. 🙏🏼